dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
