Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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