dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
