Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
