Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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