Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
