Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize