At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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