I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
