Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
