When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
