Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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