I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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