so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
