cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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