I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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