those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
