Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
