the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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