I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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