so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
