I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
