He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
