i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
