My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
