people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
