she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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