just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
