It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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