I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
