Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
