I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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