So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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