I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
