all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize