So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
