I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
