Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
birth control should be required to get into college
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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