How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize