he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
