She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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