Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize