Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
