the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You ruined the universe
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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