Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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