why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
