Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
