Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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