Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
