oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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