well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
