I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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