Don't EVER smell your tampon
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
