I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i've created a new STD.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
