i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
