Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
