How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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