whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
