Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
