He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
