btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
