i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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