Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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