good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
