Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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