Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
