No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
