I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
