Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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