some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize