checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize