As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
