Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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