Umm I'm too high to move.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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