i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
