i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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