i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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