Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
