Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
