mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
