so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
