So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
