tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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