you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
