I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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