it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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